by Kamela Qirjo MA, LPCC, NCC
Three thousand years ago, a Toltec medicine man experienced a profound awakening, realizing that “Everything is God” and that our authentic selves are pure love and light (Ruiz, 1997). This ancient Toltec wisdom teaches that by adopting four new agreements, we can break free from harmful beliefs that cause pain and suffering, paving the way to freedom, happiness, and fulfillment.
The Dream of the Planet
We are born into a collective dream, shaped by society’s rules, beliefs, laws, religions, cultures, and traditions. This “dream of the planet” is reinforced through repetition, rewards, and punishments, shaping our belief systems without our conscious choice (Ruiz, 1997). These ingrained beliefs form an internal “Book of Law,” ruling our minds and creating inner judges and victims that continuously punish us for our perceived mistakes (Ruiz, 1997). This state of mental fog, filled with a false sense of self, is called a mitote (Ruiz, 1997). Our minds become consumed with societal expectations and unrealistic standards of perfection, leading to self-abuse, guilt, and shame.
The First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word
Words are a powerful force that can create beauty or destruction. Being impeccable with our words means using them truthfully and lovingly. Negative self-talk and gossip are like viruses that spread and infect others and ourselves. By choosing words that foster truth, love, and freedom, we can cleanse negativity and fear, bringing peace and joy into our lives. This agreement resonated deeply with me, as I recognized the lasting impact of negative words and the need to cleanse these harmful emotions to achieve inner peace and self-acceptance.
The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
Taking things personally stems from a false sense of personal importance, leading us to believe that everything revolves around us. This belief, ingrained during our domestication, makes us vulnerable to the negativity of others. By not taking things personally, we become immune to external judgments and can live freely in our personal dream. Understanding that others’ actions are reflections of their own struggles helps in overcoming anxiety and emotional pain, maintaining inner peace.
The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions
Assumptions lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional pain, especially in relationships. We often assume others share our perspective and should know what we are thinking or feeling. This is not only unrealistic but also unfair. By avoiding assumptions and communicating openly, we can foster understanding and harmony.
The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best
Our best varies depending on our circumstances, and it is essential to recognize and respect this variability. Overworking ourselves leads to burnout, negatively impacting our mental and physical health and overall quality of life. Doing our best means taking action because we choose to, living in the present, and not judging ourselves harshly when we fall short. This agreement encourages a balanced approach to life, fostering personal growth and well-being.
Integrating Toltec Wisdom with Modern Psychology
The Four Agreements align with the principles of modern humanistic and cognitive-behavioral psychology. Carl Rogers, a humanistic therapist, emphasized self-actualization, free will, and self-awareness, advocating for an accepting and empathetic therapeutic atmosphere (Sanderson & Huffman, 2019). Cognitive therapists like Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck focus on restructuring irrational thoughts and fostering mindfulness to change maladaptive thought patterns (Sanderson & Huffman, 2019). Similarly, the Toltecs stress the importance of awareness in transforming self-limiting beliefs.
The Toltec wisdom offers valuable insights into coping with emotional and mental distress. By facing our fears, forgiving others, and cherishing each moment, we create space for new experiences filled with love, joy, and freedom. Embracing The Four Agreements is a journey of self-discovery and transformation, guiding us towards a life of inner peace and fulfillment.
Conclusion
The Four Agreements provide a powerful framework for breaking free from the limiting beliefs and negative patterns that cloud our vision and hinder our happiness. By being impeccable with our word, not taking things personally, avoiding assumptions, and always doing our best, we can create a personal dream of heaven, filled with love, joy, and true freedom. Integrating this ancient wisdom with modern psychological practices can enhance our well-being and help us lead more fulfilling lives.
References:
Ruiz, D. M. (1997). The four agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom. Amber-Allen Publishing.
Sanderson, C. A., & Huffman, K. R. (2019). Real world psychology (3rd ed.). John Wiley & Sons.